tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88922919979941070732024-03-13T00:37:53.458+00:00The Barnum EffectConfused, bemused and bruised: Harry Caper stumbles through life.Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.comBlogger198125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-54836019712637961992023-05-20T09:10:00.000+01:002023-05-20T09:10:32.553+01:00A confusing smorgasbord of antipathies<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I was born in the 70s. That gender could have a
separate definition to biological sex wasn't a question that had hit the
general public </span><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;">consciousness,</span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> so I grew up in a gender normative environment at a time when biological sex and gender were considered to be the same and immutable. </span><br />
<br /><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;">Sixty years after the suffragettes started the feminist movement, my mother's generation pushed the cause forward. </span><span style="font-size: 13.0pt;">My mother taught me to ignore society's sexist prejudices. I learnt from her to not limit my ambitions or accept being treated as lesser.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 13.0pt;">Fast forward another two generations and sexism is still ubiquitous, if less blatant, and it still blighting women's
lives around the world.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 13.0pt;">The place we find ourselves in now, where we are challenging the notion that biological sex and gender are the same or that is gender is immutable, has been a long time in arriving. If it mirrors the slow progress made by the feminist
movement, there could be many decades of struggle ahead, and still further
to go beyond that.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 13pt;">I have a confusing smorgasbord of antipathies to both my biological sex and my gender: </span><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;">childhood sexual abuse; a</span><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;"> deadly disease linked to my biological sex; the risk reduction surgery that removed my breasts, ovaries and fallopian tubes; being treated and paid less favourably than male colleagues; my disinclination to conform to the gender stereotypes of how I'm supposed to dress or behave; and my disinterest in supposedly feminine interests.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">It's not that I want to be male either by biology or by gender.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">If gender is a social construct, it
is a shitty one. </span><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;">Who would choose to be respected less, paid less, and have fewer opportunities than the other gender? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 13.0pt;">My sexual biology is sucky too. Who would
willingly choose to bleed one week out of four for 50 years? Who would choose the
pain and hormonally driven emotional flux which accompanies that cycle? Who
would choose a decade of hot flushes, joint pain, brain fog, or the other symptoms
that follow the end of that cycle?</span> <br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 13.0pt;">I didn't choose the genetic defect that disables
several of my body's defences to cancers that can develop in the organs and
glands related to my biological sex. I didn't rush to have those surgically removed. Arguably I hung on to them too long. Two cancers too long. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 13pt;">They're gone now and honestly I don't miss them. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">In fact
when my breasts were removed I reconnected with my pre-puberty self. I rediscovered the joys of sleeping face down, running without boobs bouncing painfully and </span><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;">embarrassingly. I was freed from wearing that most horrendous and </span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">tortuous support garment - the bra. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">I remember puberty clearly. It was awful, and I didn't
welcome any of the changes it brought.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 13.0pt;">I'd be happier having no biological sex and no
gender.</span> <br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 13.0pt;">I suspect I'm not alone.</span><o:p></o:p></p><br />Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-80672813795091719582020-10-20T16:32:00.000+01:002020-10-20T16:32:21.335+01:00One way journey into history<p>Six months have washed by, on their one way journey into history. The river of time flows inexorably, sometimes meandering placidly, often in full spate - turbulent and roiled by events. </p><p>I find it usually manages both at once, which I dub the "slow/fast duality of time". </p><p>In an "At-Risk" category, I've spent the majority of my time sheltering at home. </p><p>The metronome of work still ticks and tocks, back and forth. </p><p>Start work, finish work<br />Start work, finish work<br />Start work, finish work<br />Start work, finish work<br />Start work, finish work<br />Weekend<br />Weekend<br />...</p><p>The days waltz by, working from home, with the odd day of annual leave to break the rhythm. It is all somewhat muted without the hurly burly of the commute and the hubbub of the office. </p><p>The constraints on my activities external to the house seem to constrain me within the home. I'm oddly stilled. Held quiescent. Time slows.</p><p>Blink. It has been 6 months. It went by in a flash. Where did the time go?</p>Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-80772197173696227332020-04-13T07:51:00.003+01:002020-04-13T08:13:12.406+01:00Pigeons come home to roostMy earliest fears were of nuclear war. Born during the cold war, I was afraid, especially at night whenever a bright light flooded my room. Was that the flash of a nuclear explosion? Was the catastrophic shockwave about to hit? No - just a car turning in the street - its headlights flashing past my window. I was not yet 10 when I became aware that scientists were starting to predict climate change. This worrying prospect was ignorantly laughed off by one of my primary school teachers, who nonchalantly said it would be nice to have warm summers. Concern about the destruction of the ozone layer came next.<br />
<br />
Optimism flowered during my late teens. There were signs the world was becoming a better and more tolerant place. The fall of the Berlin wall and the subsequent break up of the Soviet Union made the spectre of nuclear war fade. International bans on CFCs began the healing of the ozone layer, and raised the hope that nations might cooperate to stop climate change. During my early 20s there was a growing acceptance of diversity, a move towards multiculturalism, and the feeling that national borders were becoming less relevant.<br />
<br />
One day, in my late 20s, that optimism was wiped out and never returned. The pigeons had come home to roost. Consequences of the arbitrary partitioning of Arabia at the end of WWII, and the subsequent proxy wars fought between the USA and the Soviets in the Middle East. For decades planes had been hijacked and the passengers held to ransom, but in 2001 there were no demands - instead the hijacked planes were deliberately crashed into buildings. Fear of terrorism spread around the world. Intolerance grew. Wars followed.<br />
<br />
Through my 30s my concerns grew to encompass exponential population growth, pollution, climate change, sea level rises, food insecurity, drinking water shortages, and ironically peak oil.<br />
<br />
In my 40s I saw the election of populist leaders. Protectionism. Nationalism. Racism. Them and Us. This re-emergence of tribal identity - the collective subconscious return to a survivalist mentality?<br />
<br />
The news in the last 12 months has had a tinge of the biblical. War, mass refugee exoduses, huge wildfires, widespread flooding, plagues of locusts.<br />
<br />
Now we face the pestilence, Coronavirus, against which we are as defenceless as our grandparents were against the 1918 Spanish Influenza, or our ancestors were against the Black Death of the 1300s.<br />
<br />
Our medical expertise can only give us a little extra time for our immune systems to generate antibodies. Meanwhile we quarantine ourselves, to slow the spread of the disease, to gain time for our scientists to develop a vaccine or a treatment.<br />
<br />
This feels like the beginning.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-66427275438296660642018-10-22T07:36:00.002+01:002018-10-22T07:36:39.193+01:00Why, oh why, am I puffed up like a balloon after my operation?I'm swollen around the chest area as I'd expect after the double mastectomy - there are some sloshy seromas building up which I've been told not to worry about - the seromas should self-resolve, and if not they can be drained with a needle.<br />
<br />
I was particularly aware, as I woke up this morning, that my face and neck feel quite puffy. My eyes feel all crowded in by swollen eye lids. I feel like I've gained 10 pounds around my middle too.<br />
<br />
This swelling has been developing since my operation three days ago. I thought it was my imagination until I looked in the mirror and saw a big round moon face looking back at me.<br />
<br />
Why, oh why, am I puffed up like a balloon after my operation?<br />
<br />
Thank goodness for the internet. While it can on occasion lead us down dark alleyways, often it can take us straight into the light...<br />
<br />
It seems evolution provided a way for injured animals to lay up for a few days to recover from traumatic injuries. With an injury hormones are released which amend how many of the body's organs and systems work to facilitate survival.<br />
<br />
So the post-operative swelling away from the surgery site is fluid retention - a deliberate strategy on the part of my body to conserve water - and the fluid will be released in a few days as my recovery progresses.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>The stress response to trauma and surgery</b><br />
<br />
J. P. Desborough; The stress response to trauma and surgery, BJA: British Journal of Anaesthesia, Volume 85, Issue 1, 1 July 2000, Pages 109–117, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/bja/85.1.109">https://doi.org/10.1093/bja/85.1.109</a><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"The stress response is the name given to the hormonal and metabolic changes which follow injury or trauma. This is part of the systemic reaction to injury which encompasses a wide range of endocrinological, immunological and haematological effects."</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Although it seems that the stress response developed to allow injured animals to survive by catabolizing their own stored body fuels, it has been argued that the response is unnecessary in current surgical practice. "</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"The overall metabolic effect of the hormonal changes is increased catabolism which mobilizes substrates to provide energy sources, and a mechanism to retain salt and water and maintain fluid volume and cardiovascular homeostasis."</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Arginine vasopressin, which is released from the posterior pituitary, promotes water retention and the production of concentrated urine by direct action on the kidney. Increased vasopressin secretion may continue for 3–5 days, depending on the severity of the surgical injury and the development of complications."</blockquote>
Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-56296540288291279842018-10-21T10:13:00.000+01:002018-10-21T10:15:08.091+01:00Brimming with possibilityThe day after my last post I fell ill with flu, which delayed my operation by two weeks.<br />
<br />
I'm now two days post-surgery, back home, and recovering.<br />
<br />
I had breast cancer operations in 2001 and again in 2008. Those were traumatic experiences, my post surgery recovery was tainted with feelings of loss, and fear for the future. Each of those operations were just the heralds of more debilitating treatment - the long hard slog of chemotherapy and radiotherapy.<br />
<br />
Following on from that were the yearly scans and tests to check for new cancers and secondaries, a regular cycle of building tension as each appointment came due, plunged back into the medical world for the tests, then the gruelling wait for results, hoping to hear those precious words "all the tests came back clear" and feel the giddy relief once more.<br />
<br />
This has framed the last 18 years of my life.<br />
<br />
I allowed it to box me in.<br />
<br />
I focused on getting through each day.<br />
<br />
I made no long term plans.<br />
<br />
I did not peer into the future.<br />
<br />
I did not allow myself to have big hopes and dreams.<br />
<br />
Now I have set the agenda. I picked the time and the place to start my new journey. With this operation I've released myself from fear and risk. I'm calm, confident, and positive.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow is a new day, brimming with possibility.Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-34571722061686838452018-10-02T20:47:00.004+01:002018-10-02T20:55:39.250+01:00Both breasty-dumplingsA little over 18 months ago I had my ovaries and fallopian tubes whipped out. In two days I'll say goodbye to both breasty-dumplings, with a double mastectomy.<br /><br />
<img alt="Image result for blackadder breasty dumplings" src="http://blackadderquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/breasty-dumpling-672x372.jpg" height="176" width="320" /><br /><br />
8 years ago I wondered on this blog:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
How would I feel if I went down the free-martin path and said goodbye to ovaries and breasts? Once done there is no turning back. Answers on a postcard to...</blockquote>
<br />
I'm now on the verge of finding out. Will I wake up one morning suddenly feeling released from fear when the cancerous Sword of Damocles hangs over me no more? Will I mourn the loss of my breasty-dumplings? Will I revel in being free of the bouncy bits and take up jogging? Or will life continue much as before?<br />
<br />
Cancer in 2001 reduced left-breasty dumpling to a B, whereas cancer in 2008 resulted in right-breasty dumpling growing to a FF. So I'll certainly be glad to lose the lopsidedness.<br />
<br />
I'm going flat - no reconstruction for me. I will not subject an innocent part of my anatomy to the surgeon's knife in order to construct a pair of foobs. I feel no need to conform to societal expectations regarding my shape. Flat will be fine for me, thank you very much.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking about my gender identity recently. Not what dangly bits I have or my genetics, but who I am. I certainly don't feel my gender is being changed by the oophorectomies and mastectomies. The surgery is just triggering an internal debate about my gender. Up to press I've simply allowed society to decide for me - I was born female - I've led my life up to now as a woman. I've not been a very "girly" person. I've been more tom-boy in behaviour and dress. While I haven't wanted to be a man neither have I felt overwhelmingly glad to be a woman. So this surgery is making me ponder. Can I be neuter?Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-35512225250848380402017-03-21T06:53:00.001+00:002017-03-21T06:53:37.073+00:00Springing surprisesAt some point in the last 12 hours we've passed through the vernal equinox, so by my reckoning we're in spring. The plants in the garden have already jumped the gun and are visibly growing day by day. The mild weather we've had in the last few weeks means that several species are already flowering. Not only are the daffodils and primroses flowering, but the ornamental blackcurrant, the forsythia, the magnolia, the grape hyacinth and the camellia are all bursting into bloom.<br />
<br />
I haven't had much time to potter in the garden. For the last 6 weeks I've been switching my working hours from evenings to days for a project at work, and for the last month I've ramped up my hours to over 40 a week. I'm looking forward to the lovely juicy overtime, but I am feeling drained.<br />
<br />
The turning of the seasons has been working its magic on my lodger Sam. It must be the time of year for springing surprises. Last year around this time he announced he was in a relationship, and last night came the anticipated news that they've put a deposit down on a place and Emma and Sam will soon be moving in together. Their new house just needs a little spring clean and some fresh paint to turn it into a home. I'm very excited for them.<br />
<br />Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-7775353965756071202017-01-20T07:15:00.000+00:002017-01-20T07:15:27.818+00:00Hang on to your hatsToday Donald Trump will be inaugurated as President of the United States of America. I'm British, so this should not be of any relevance to me, but of course the influence of the US is felt across the world.<br />
<br />
Many outside the US watched the elections and were quite confident that Mr Trump would not be elected, as in much the same way most thought we in the UK would vote against Brexit.<br />
<br />
No one quite knows what to expect now. Brexit & Mr Trump are paradigm shifting moments of the 21st century. I find it hard to summon the confidence I once had in the democratic process. Can elections be a good way to make decisions if these are the are the choices the public makes?<br />
<br />
I have this forlorn hope that, through some bizarre accident in the physics laboratories where I work, I have been transported to a parallel universe temporarily and it is just a matter of time until a rubber band effect yanks me back to my own reality.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile I wonder whether the ordinary people of the late 1930's felt this sense of disbelieving dread as events sucked them into WWII.<br />
<br />
If the potential consequences weren't so apocalyptically terrifying, "Trump in the White House" has all the ingredients for a great slapstick comedy. It would be so pleasant to sit back with popcorn and be entertained by his outrageous antics for the next 4 years - if only it weren't so damn real.<br />
<br />
Hang on to your hats, people of planet earth, the ride is going to be bumpy.Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-52958784755765100252017-01-19T07:32:00.001+00:002017-01-19T07:32:23.766+00:00Return of the ludditesLuddites were English workers in the 1800's who destroyed the machinery that was making their jobs redundant.<br />
<br />
Fast forward to 2017. Self service tills at supermarkets have decimated the workforce in our large stores. Self-driving cars are being developed and companies like Uber are looking to use them instead of human taxi drivers. Amazon are developing drones to deliver parcels, so delivery vans and their drivers will be going the way of the checkout assistant. Chatbots are seen as being the future solution for customer service, so call centre jobs are also threatened with redundancy.<br />
<br />
Companies are doing this to reduce overheads, remain competitive, and increase profit to their shareholders. Understandable, but short sighted. If there are no jobs, who will have the money to buy anything? Companies might be driving their cost base down, but they're also destroying their customer base.<br />
<br />
It would be nice to think we're heading towards a cashless post-scarcity society like that of the Star Trek universe, but I suspect we're a long long way from developing the kind of replicator technology that such a society requires.<br />
<br />
So while the corporates unwittingly destroy the very foundation of capitalism that the paradigm relies on (paying customers), I'm predicting the return of the luddites.Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-71293317229789990742017-01-11T14:41:00.000+00:002017-01-11T14:48:16.429+00:00Changes are afootDays like today are described as "changeable" by weather forecasters. Blustery winds and scudding clouds one minute, then blue skies and piercing sun the next, rapidly followed by drizzle and so it goes on all day.<br />
<br />
I've been feeling "changeable" recently. Overwhelmingly I feel distracted.<br />
There is something that I was going to consider, google, or do.<br />
I just can't quite put my finger on what it was.<br />
It is preventing me from getting anything done.<br />
Nor can I relax.<br />
<br />
So, here we are. It is time to sit down, sift through my thoughts, and get a grip...<br />
<br />
A month ago I had an operation to remove my ovaries.
<br />
<ul>
<li>The purpose of the surgery was cancer risk reduction, and I feel great that I've finally taken that step. <b><i><span style="color: #38761d;">Phew</span></i></b>. </li>
<li>On the other hand I'm still waiting to find out whether there were any signs of cancer in the removed tissue. <span style="color: #990000;"><i><b>En garde</b>.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
I've been waiting for the menopausal symptoms to kick in. As yet I haven't had anything obvious like a hot flush.
<br />
<ul>
<li>I spoke with my GP a couple of days ago, and he was of the opinion that surgical menopause symptoms hit fast, so if they haven't arrived yet then I may not get get any. <i><b><span style="color: #38761d;">Whoopee</span></b></i>. </li>
<li>Though I wonder whether perhaps hormone changes are causing my unsettled mind? <span style="color: #990000;"><b><i>Pooh</i></b></span>.</li>
</ul>
<br />
Changes are afoot at work. There's a project coming up soon that will absorb quite a bit of my time, resulting in a temporary increase in daytime hours, and reduction in evening hours. Overall my hours will go up for a month or two.
<br />
<ul>
<li>On the one hand I'm looking forward to a boost in my take home pay. <i><b><span style="color: #38761d;">Yum yum</span></b></i>. </li>
<li>Conversely I'll have less free time and more stress. <span style="color: #990000;"><i><b>Hum ho</b></i></span>. </li>
</ul>
<br />
Beyond the project phase there is likely to be a new role opening up which my manager would like me to take. It will mean dropping the evening & weekend role, and doing daytime hours. The total hours will be about the same. The role I'd be dropping is term-time only, whereas the new role is all year round.
<br />
<ul>
<li>I'll earn more with a steady year round income and it will be easier to manage. <b style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: #38761d;">Yipee</span></b>.</li>
<li>I'll miss my lazy summers. <span style="color: #990000;"><i><b>Boo</b></i></span>. </li>
<li>Daytime parking would be either more hassle or more expensive. <span style="color: #990000;"><b><i>Pah</i></b></span>.</li>
<li>I'll get my evenings and weekends back. <i><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Meh</span></b></i>.</li>
<li>I won't be able to potter in the garden during the day. <span style="color: #990000;"><b><i>Humbug</i></b></span>.</li>
<li>Visiting dad and walking the dogs will need to be finished in time to get to work. <b><span style="color: #990000;">Oh</span></b>.</li>
<li>The work will be more interesting. <b><i><span style="color: #38761d;">Hmmm</span></i></b>.</li>
<li>There may be more stress. <b><i><span style="color: #990000;">Errr</span></i></b>.</li>
<li>I'm not sure if I'll have more or less job & pay security. <span style="color: #0b5394;"><b><i>Sheesh</i></b></span>.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Why am I surprised that I'm distracted?<br />
<br /></div>
Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-51613007160423270012017-01-03T08:34:00.000+00:002018-10-02T20:56:04.788+01:00The BRCA1 prize in the genetics lotteryMy mother had the BRCA1 gene, and as I'd had a breast cancer diagnosis at the tender age of 28 (and a second at 35), I assumed that I'd inherited the gene.<br />
<br />
In order to have regular MRI's or risk reduction surgery on the NHS it seems you have to get tested, so earlier this year I attended the genetics clinic and gave a blood sample. The results came through a little while ago confirming that yes I did indeed win the BRCA1 prize in the genetics lottery. Woo hoo. Go me.<br />
<div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As a result, when I went to hospital in early December to get a polyp removed from my womb, the lovely consultant who did the pre-op rounds offered me a bogof (buy one, get one free) deal I couldn't refuse. She could, she explained, (as they'd had a cancellation) remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes while I was under general anaesthetic in addition to the pre-arranged the polyp removal. This was an operation I'd been putting off for some years, but I knew it ought to be done, so I gracefully accepted the consultant's kind offer.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
On the plus side I only had 2 hours to worry about having the op. Unfortunately this was just enough time to google "laparoscopic bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy" and read about the various recovery experiences of ladies who'd been through the procedure. I say "unfortunately" because what I read wasn't particularly upbeat stuff - there were ladies who'd had a rough time recovering from the op.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'm glad to say that my own experience was pretty good. The operation went as planned, and once I returned to the ward from the recovery room I was up and pottering about within an hour. Looking back, I think being mobile made my recovery much easier. For keyhole surgery they pump gas into your abdomen to give themselves some room to manoeuvre. From what I've read it is the remaining gas that causes most of the misery associated with this op, and from my own experience I think movement was key to getting the gas to go. </div>
<div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
The other major problem with this op, if you are pre-menopausal when you have it, is that you crash immediately into the menopause. To bridge the hormone gap I started taking Tibolone, which is a kind of HRT. The jury is still undecided about HRT and BRCA1, so I wasn't planning on taking it for long - just for a couple of months to get me over the hump. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Once again, I did plenty of reading, and discovered that HRT isn't as effective for pre-menopausal ladies who have their ovaries removed as it is for ladies who are going through the menopause naturally. The natural menopause is a drawn out process, which starts long before menstruation stops, with a gradual decline in hormone levels during what is known as the peri-menopause. HRT is calibrated to match the lower hormone levels of peri-menopausal women, so it doesn't even come close to the levels usually found in pre-menopausal ladies. From the research I looked at, it seems as though I could only expect a 30% reduction in hot flushes by taking HRT.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This didn't seem like much of a payoff given the question mark over the safety of HRT for BRCA1 carriers. So after about 18 days I stopped taking the Tibolone.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Yet here is the strange thing - four weeks on from the surgery, and a week since my last HRT tablet - I've not yet had a hot flush. In fact I haven't had a single symptom from the menopause menu. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I suppose the key word is "yet". Who knows what joys tomorrow will bring?<br />
<br />
Stay tuned.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-1561094723195949212017-01-02T08:38:00.000+00:002017-01-02T08:38:50.016+00:00The inescapable grim reaperThe 2016 tally of icons who've kicked the bucket is a sobering matter for the world's baby boomers. This massive post-war generation (born between 1946 and 1964) are being forced to acknowledge their own mortality as their generation's heroes and legends fall victim to the inescapable grim reaper.<br />
<br />
As the boomers come to the top of their life expectancy bell curve we'll see increasing numbers of their generation pass to the other side, and largely they'll be privately mourned by their friends and families.<br />
<br />
News headlines have always included a spattering of obituaries, but the baby boomers were the first to have the kind of disposable income sufficient to catapult thousands to global stardom. It may feel like the superstar apocalypse (2016 was just the beginning) but what we're about to witness is a graphic demonstration of demographics.Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-70484620636701531572016-10-28T19:53:00.000+01:002016-10-28T19:53:05.141+01:00All Prepped for All Hallows' Pumpkin flaying has been marvelous fun this year...<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aW94WDSzgkg/WBOebfyxfcI/AAAAAAAADQ0/5ySJmZbDLGA1JIPrAKPtRePWCyWeyk21QCK4B/s1600/groot_pumpkin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aW94WDSzgkg/WBOebfyxfcI/AAAAAAAADQ0/5ySJmZbDLGA1JIPrAKPtRePWCyWeyk21QCK4B/s320/groot_pumpkin.jpg" width="317" /></a></div>
<span id="goog_525570107"></span><span id="goog_525570108"></span><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aW94WDSzgkg/WBOebfyxfcI/AAAAAAAADQ0/5ySJmZbDLGA1JIPrAKPtRePWCyWeyk21QCK4B/s1600/groot_pumpkin.jpg" imageanchor="1"></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-orxFWa09rwQ/WBOeeo2aVDI/AAAAAAAADQ8/myFi4lLkjacGbIgxMS45ZMbRpSugqO0IwCK4B/s1600/hydra_pumpkin.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-orxFWa09rwQ/WBOeeo2aVDI/AAAAAAAADQ8/myFi4lLkjacGbIgxMS45ZMbRpSugqO0IwCK4B/s320/hydra_pumpkin.jpg" width="313" /></a>Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-72015617974118295852016-10-10T23:36:00.000+01:002016-10-11T23:42:40.448+01:00In the midst of miseryThe local library hosts an "Open Mic" to tempt us to come along and share our work.<br />
<br />
I've written stuff and I'm sure I could read some of it, out loud in front of folks, if I put my mind to it.<br />
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Looking back at the blog for candidates I spot a clear correlation between creativity and sadness. Some of the most hauntingly beautiful things I've written were crafted in the midst of misery. Suffer the rain to appreciate the sun, the trope of the tormented artist.<br />
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There's too much sun in my current disposition, creating arid times for inspiration. Yet would I wish for a forecast of rain, so that I might be more fertile in my imaginings? I think not.<br />
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This Mental Health Day, don't suffer alone. #Itstimetotalk<br />
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<a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2010/05/laying-down-reserves.html" target="_blank">Laying down reserves, 4 May 2010</a><br />
<a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2010/05/odd-sock-that-disappears.html" target="_blank">The odd sock that disappears, 10 May 2010</a><br />
<a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2010/05/jangling-at-junction.html" target="_blank">Fettered, 26 May 2010</a><br />
<a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2010/06/retreat.html" target="_blank">Retreat, 23 June 2010</a><br />
<a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2010/11/blink-reveals.html" target="_blank">A blink reveals, 16 November 2010</a><br />
<a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2010/12/crank-orrery-on.html" target="_blank">Crank the orrery on, 21 December 2010</a><br />
<a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2011/01/folly-laid-bare.html" target="_blank">Folly laid bare, 24 January 2011</a><br />
<a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2011/06/premonition-of-incipient-nostalgia.html" rel="" target="_blank">Premonition of incipient nostalgia, 21 June 2011</a><br />
<a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/histrionics-fade-to-history.html" target="_blank">Histrionics fade to history, 3 June 2012</a><br />
<a href="https://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/thunderstorm-was-just-chasing-away-last.html" target="_blank">The rainbow race, 4 July 2012</a><br />
<br />Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-88917348244381020322016-09-25T05:16:00.000+01:002016-09-25T05:39:42.404+01:00Google baitWhen I recently mentioned to a friend that I'd resumed blogging he asked me what I was doing to promote the blog. Nothing, I said, I was really just writing it for writing's sake, and I didn't think blogging was particularly fashionable in these days of the twitter ascendancy.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We then had a little discussion about popular blogs - I said the trick was to write something that other people were interested in, hence the successful blogs out there on the subject of weddings, interior design, etc.</div>
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I tend to write about what is happening in my mental space, or about things that interest me. Just very occasionally something that interests me happens to be interesting to other people too.</div>
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One of my most popular blog entries to date is <a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/stretch-yawn-faint.html" target="_blank">Stretch Yawn Faint</a>, it is also (at the time of writing) the top google result for that three word search. Apparently "orthostatic hypotension" is a relatively un-discussed side effect of humans being big stretchy blobs of flesh.<br />
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So obviously one trick to having a successful blog is to write about the commonly experienced but under-discussed stuff that people google, but how would you identify these google-bait topics?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://lmgtfy.com/" target="_blank">LMGTFY</a> or "Let Me Google That for You" is a great website which has also has a <a href="http://live.lmgtfy.com/" target="_blank">live stream</a> feature which shows you in real time what people are typing into LMGTFY. Be warned however, for it turns out that some people have rather unsavoury questions for google.<br />
<br />
Another google-bait source is google itself with their <a href="https://www.google.com/trends/hottrends/visualize?pn=p9&nrow=5&ncol=5" target="_blank">trending visualisation</a> which is sanitised and pretty cool looking. Sadly it seems that the trending topics are predominantly football or celebrity centric. I suppose that 4.45am on a Sunday morning probably isn't peak googling time, but the trending topics seem seriously banal.<br />
<br />
I'm going to carry on blogging about bits that mean something to me, so if you're looking for <a href="http://lmgtfy.com/?q=20+things+you+didn%27t+know+about+Manchester+United" target="_blank">20 things you didn't know about Manchester United (and number 16 really surprised me)</a> then let me introduce you to LMGTFY...</div>
Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-85921721532155264652016-09-18T07:36:00.000+01:002016-09-18T07:36:25.521+01:00Itching and scritchingA blank page and a flashing cursor that itches and scritches at the psyche, begging to be booted along the page and be displaced by the developing prose. So I sit here trying to oblige, yet somewhat at a loss as to what should come next.<br />
<br />
I drift forward in time, moored by my minor hobbies, commitments to family and friends, the toil that pays the bills, and the drudgery of domestic chores. It isn't a bleak existence. It is mildly pleasant and satisfying. A low stress, low risk strategy which will carefully transport me from here to eternity.<br />
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What about the paths untraveled? The adventures I could have? I could be and do so much more. Why don't I? When did I change my outlook and set my sights so low?<br />
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I do know the answers to those questions. I am where I am, doing what I do by conscious choice. Divorce and disease. These two daemons brought on my bunker mentality. I've chosen my current location and path.<br />
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Safety. Security. Comfort. Routine.<br />
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But what if I were to shake it all up?<br />
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I could.<br />
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I know I could.<br />
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I'm a little scared now.<br />
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This cursor dragging me forward.<br />
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It is taking me to unexpected places.<br />
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I think I'll scuttle back to my comfort zone.<br />
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But the cursor is inside me now.<br />
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Itching and scritching.Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-82545627515415797042016-08-26T05:47:00.003+01:002016-08-26T05:47:58.015+01:00Where am I now?After letting this blog languish for the last couple of years (barring the odd pumpkin flaying post) I find myself drawn to blog again.<br />
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Initially this blog was started when I was in a "return to work" phase after being off work for some time for breast cancer treatment. I was travelling each week from Leeds where I live to London where I worked (for an american investment bank.) <br />
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Suddenly being back in the capital where I'd previously lived for well over a decade brought with it plenty of memories. Sadly the sort of memories I was flooded with weren't the joyous ones, but largely ones of my marriage sinking like the titanic, and thoughts of my "wasband" ex. A whole moribund pustular nexus of unresolved trauma. <br />
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On top of that I felt physically and psychologically fragile from the cancer treatment. I'd been left with lymphedema in my right arm, and the compression garment I wore was painful and acted as a constant trigger of cancer related fears and memories. <br />
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Finally I was struggling with the demands of work, an employer who superficially provided support in the form of meetings with its medical advisers, yet demanded I do long anti-social hours, with the spectre of redundancies never far away.<br />
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It was a difficult period. Blogging was a form of self-counselling. Happily it really helped, and with the gentle passing of time I find myself in a much better place than I was back in 2010.<br />
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So, where am I now? <br />
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Dare I say it - I'm happy and content. Life has a gentle pace, with simple pleasures.<br />
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I live and work in Leeds. The job isn't hugely demanding, yet it has enough variety to tickle my interest, and the hours (4 evenings and a shift at the weekend) allow me plenty of time to do my own thing.<br />
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I have a border collie dog (Poppy). I don't want to gush, but she's lovely. She keeps me grounded, reminds me to laugh, and takes me to the park every day.<br />
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I live in a dilapidated house, which arguably is a little less dilapidated than when I took it on. I'm "doing it up" which is one of those projects that keeps on giving.<br />
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At present I have a lodger, so the house feels comfortably lived in. It started as a temporary stopover while he got organised with flat hunting, and perhaps one day he will actually get started with the flat hunting. Until then it is nice to have some company.<br />
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So blogging doesn't need to be a therapeutic exercise any more, just a whimsy when I want.Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-1354918711167222452015-10-31T09:21:00.000+00:002015-10-31T09:21:00.158+00:00Having oodles of fun this Halloween !This year the subject of my pumpkin flaying was <a href="http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Ood">The Ood</a> of Dr Who fame.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hzCRXitqfVc/VjPeJVFoIJI/AAAAAAAADQI/EOzLeAy8EUw/s1600/ood_grn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hzCRXitqfVc/VjPeJVFoIJI/AAAAAAAADQI/EOzLeAy8EUw/s640/ood_grn.jpg" /></a></div><br />
This turned out to be the trickiest carve I've ever done - I really should have picked a bigger pumpkin.<br />
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Happy Halloween !Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-8002270603313632642014-10-31T21:51:00.000+00:002014-10-31T21:51:21.893+00:00Happy Halloween !I've been busy flaying poor pumpkins again, this time with a devilishly tricky Escher pattern...<br />
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Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-84208927134202760062013-01-23T16:27:00.001+00:002013-01-23T16:27:40.235+00:00Hairs were sacrificedIt's official - I'm going grey. <br />
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Evidence? One 15cm hair, grey from stem to stern. <br />
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Using average hair growth rates, I calculate I've been greying for somewhere between 12 to 15 months. I wanted to measure the grey hair which is the only reason I pulled it out. I certainly won't be pulling out any more as 4 good brown hairs were sacrificed in the process.<br />
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Deep meaningful and profound thoughts on the occasion of this momentous discovery<br />
escape me, which I'm sure is a sign of incipient... now then... what's the word... oh yes... I've got it.... senility.<br />
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Now then. What was I talking about?Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-88665105018359018492013-01-07T12:16:00.000+00:002013-03-22T11:43:11.077+00:00Get out quickLast night's episode of the Antiques Roadshow (<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00zjmrd/hd/Antiques_Roadshow_Series_35_Stowe_House_1/" target="_blank">Series 35, Episode 13, Stowe House</a>) featured an autograph album containing signatures collected at a garden party held at Windsor Castle for Victoria Cross winners. One of the signatures that militaria expert <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham_Lay">Graham Lay</a> picks out is that of <a href="http://thebarnumeffect.blogspot.co.uk/2010/09/william-boynton-butler.html">William Boynton Butler</a>.<br />
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<object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,28,0" height="35" width="215"><param name="movie" value="http://www.staticplayer.com/Flash/chameleon.swf" /><param name="AllowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="scale" value="noscale" /><param name="salign" value="lt" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="flashvars" value="mp3_url=familytrees.genopro.com/HarryCaper/FamilyTree/media/w_b_boynton_vc_antiques_roadshow_series35_stowe_house_1_about_signatures_in_autograph_book.mp3&autoplay=no&bg_type=none&bg_width=215&bg_height=35&bg_alpha=100&bg_color=0xC2A07D&bg_image=&border_type=normal&border_color=0xBFC0B0&border_width=1&border_alpha=100&border_ellipse=1&play_color=0xBFC0B0&play_width=16&play_height=16&play_x=10&play_y=10&show_bar=yes&playbar_color=0xBFC0B0&load_color=0x404040&load_width=145&load_height=5&load_x=35&load_y=20&show_text=yes&text_size=10&text_color=0xBFC0B0&text_x=32&text_y=5&text_idle=Antiques Roadshow audio excerpt" /><embed src="http://www.staticplayer.com/Flash/chameleon.swf" allowscriptaccess="always" quality="high" scale="noscale" salign="lt" wmode="transparent" flashvars="mp3_url=http://familytrees.genopro.com/HarryCaper/FamilyTree/media/w_b_boynton_vc_antiques_roadshow_series35_stowe_house_1_about_signatures_in_autograph_book.mp3&autoplay=no&bg_type=none&bg_width=215&bg_height=35&bg_alpha=100&bg_color=0xC2A07D&bg_image=&border_type=normal&border_color=0xBFC0B0&border_width=1&border_alpha=100&border_ellipse=1&play_color=0xBFC0B0&play_width=16&play_height=16&play_x=10&play_y=10&show_bar=yes&playbar_color=0xBFC0B0&load_color=0x404040&load_width=145&load_height=5&load_x=35&load_y=20&show_text=yes&text_size=10&text_color=0xBFC0B0&text_x=32&text_y=5&text_idle=Antiques Roadshow audio excerpt" pluginspage="http://www.adobe.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="216" height="36"></embed></object></div>
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<a href="http://familytrees.genopro.com/HarryCaper/FamilyTree/media/w_b_boynton_vc_antiques_roadshow_series35_stowe_house_1_signature_in_autograph_book.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
Transcript: "We've got one here for W. B. Butler, West Yorkshire Regiment. Now he was in charge of a mortar, in the trenches, during the first world war, and accidentally the lever of one flew off, and it was in danger of exploding. So quickly he took the mortar, put it in front of him, turned away from all the other troops that were behind him, and said "Get out quick" and they all rushed to safety. And when they'd gone to safety he threw it over the top of the trench and it exploded instantly. So he saved all those lives, and again for that he was awarded the Victoria Cross."Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-41523213892022379232013-01-03T11:39:00.000+00:002013-01-07T23:31:00.712+00:00XtraNormalI've been using XtraNormal to produce animations for the last nine months. Their slogan is "I<span class="st">f you can <i>type</i>, you can make movies." This was my first effort using the Create facility on their <a href="http://www.xtranormal.com/xnmm/landing/" target="_blank">website</a>: </span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe id="xtranormal_GKP - the journey so far" name="xtranormal_GKP - the journey so far" style="width:480px;height:299px;" src="http://www.xtranormal.com/xtraplayr/13174759/gkp-the-journey-so-far" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" border="0" frameborder="0" scrolling="auto"></iframe><br />
</div><br />
After that I switched to the <a href="http://www.xtranormal.com/about-desktop/">XtraNormal Desktop</a> product, and have since <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/HarryCaper/videos" target="_blank">published</a> 28 animations which collectively have had over 18,000 views to date. This is one of my recent efforts:<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0eoivx2f2yE" width="480"></iframe></div><br />
I start with the basics - dialog and camera angles. Then iteratively I add expressions, gestures, character movement, noises and so on. I'll play the animation frequently as I go along, in order to tweak the dialog and timings. Once you press the play button you have to wait for the program to render the animation. Every time you make a change and press play that rendering process takes a bit longer than it did before, until you find yourself waiting several minutes before the animation starts playing. The only cure is to close and re-run the application (which itself takes a couple of minutes.)<br />
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You can choose whether to preview the whole animation or start from a particular line of dialog. When your animation is three minutes long and the line of dialog you want to tweak is near the end it makes sense to play it from that line rather than watch all three minutes of the animation. Rather frustratingly you have to wait for rendering to finish before it starts playing from the line you're interested in, and this takes just as long as it would to play the entire animation in real-time.<br />
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I tend to spot several things during playback that need tweaking - a word that doesn't get pronounced properly, an expression that needs to be held longer, a camera movement that should be slower, a gesture that happens too late. I'm forced to make hasty scribbled notes or rely on my memory, as the rendered animation can't be paused (unless you want to re-render) and you can't edit the script during playback either.<br />
<br />
Because the application's memory leaks affect rendering time, producing an animation that is longer than 2 minutes becomes disproportionately time consuming.<br />
<br />
The software doesn't encapsulate any laws of physics, which is a shame as it means characters cannot interact with the sets beyond standing or sitting on horizontal surfaces. Characters can walk through other objects, and can't touch one another because there is no collision detection. It would be great if characters could shake hands, or slap one another on the back. It would be superb if props could be included that the characters could interact with.<br />
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Amazingly despite these interactions not being possible, the marketing images XtraNormal uses would have you believe they are. Take this image for The Peepz collection, which clearly suggests that the characters can hug, kiss, hold a book, throw a paper ball, and put their feet up on the desk. If only!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/features/peepz_info_dec.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" src="http://www.xtranormal.com/site_media/features/peepz_info_dec.jpg" width="580" /></a></div><br />
I can't help thinking the XtraNormal programmers should have a major rethink. Rather than building all these elements into XtraNormal, perhaps it would be better to buy in and adapt a gaming engine. There are plenty of games on the market which include real world physics, where the characters can interact with objects, and where one can "replay" the action and control camera angles. I imagine it would be less of a job to add scripting and text-to-speech to a game engine, than it would be to add physics to the existing product.<br />
<br />
I like XtraNormal, I've invested a lot of time getting know the software, and have produced animations I'm very proud of. However I'm beginning to feel I've out grown it, yet I don't have the artistic talents to graduate to full blown animation platform. I feel like a tweenie: I'm too old for children's games, but not old enough to participate in more grown up activities. Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-51731186855083425852012-11-15T21:10:00.000+00:002012-11-15T21:10:13.637+00:00Strange how strangeTen years ago I lived just a little way up the road from the youth hostel where I am now. It's strange how strange the town seems to me. It isn't that the town has changed particularly. I guess it's more the realisation that my memories are pretty patchy. <br />
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The journey here on the train from Liverpool Street was depressingly familiar if only for the generically grubby experience of being on a London commuter service. First there is the depressingly repetitive and meaningless pattern woven into the seat fabric. I couldn't decide if the blobby pattern was of a turkey drumstick, or a pig nose to nose with a mouse. Then there is the splotchy pavement pizza pattern of the floor covering, artfully concealing any actual pavement pizza. Finally there's the view from the window. <br />
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I'm glad I no longer participate in the London rat race. A little reminder goes a long way.Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-76941874587803148152012-11-11T10:40:00.001+00:002012-11-11T10:48:15.613+00:00Their today they gave<div style="font-size: large; text-align: center;">And some there be who no memorial have;<br />
Who perished are as though they’d never been.<br />
For our tomorrows their today they gave,<br />
And simply asked that in our hearts they'd live.<br />
We heed their call and pledge ourselves again,<br />
At dusk and dawn - we will remember them!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/__dBbcKnT9Z4/TNwN6nHsFnI/AAAAAAAAAdA/vOKJaJE6ohI/s640/remembrance_poppy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/__dBbcKnT9Z4/TNwN6nHsFnI/AAAAAAAAAdA/vOKJaJE6ohI/s400/remembrance_poppy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8892291997994107073.post-70482467586492074092012-10-29T20:41:00.000+00:002013-01-07T15:25:50.876+00:00Flaying once moreWith Hallow's Eve fast approaching, I'm flaying once more. First the crown is sliced open, then the guts are ripped out. Taking a scalpel I trace my devilish pattern across the skin, finally with tender care I incise the wounds, rending skin from flesh to reveal the pumpkin's inner demon. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RBCSybfJkBg/UI7jpIryTeI/AAAAAAAABmE/bnqAPSpfPRY/s1600/devil_horned_3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="263" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RBCSybfJkBg/UI7jpIryTeI/AAAAAAAABmE/bnqAPSpfPRY/s320/devil_horned_3.jpg" width="285" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SsyNMT_eHtY/UI7dCIy2UWI/AAAAAAAABlY/hUinF-JU_30/s1600/horned_devil+%252817%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="263" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SsyNMT_eHtY/UI7dCIy2UWI/AAAAAAAABlY/hUinF-JU_30/s320/horned_devil+%252817%2529.JPG" width="285" /></a><br />
This ram-horned devil will be going to the Myrtle Tavern, who're holding a pumpkin carving competition. 1st prize = £50 in beer tokens. How could a pumpkin serial carver resist?<br />
Harry Caperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05503151345025366969noreply@blogger.com0