Sunday 21 October 2018

Brimming with possibility

The day after my last post I fell ill with flu, which delayed my operation by two weeks.

I'm now two days post-surgery, back home, and recovering.

I had breast cancer operations in 2001 and again in 2008. Those were traumatic experiences, my post surgery recovery was tainted with feelings of loss, and fear for the future. Each of those operations were just the heralds of more debilitating treatment - the long hard slog of chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

Following on from that were the yearly scans and tests to check for new cancers and secondaries, a regular cycle of building tension as each appointment came due, plunged back into the medical world for the tests, then the gruelling wait for results, hoping to hear those precious words "all the tests came back clear" and feel the giddy relief once more.

This has framed the last 18 years of my life.

I allowed it to box me in.

I focused on getting through each day.

I made no long term plans.

I did not peer into the future.

I did not allow myself to have big hopes and dreams.

Now I have set the agenda. I picked the time and the place to start my new journey. With this operation I've released myself from fear and risk. I'm calm, confident, and positive.

Tomorrow is a new day, brimming with possibility.

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