Friday, 26 August 2016

Where am I now?

After letting this blog languish for the last couple of years (barring the odd pumpkin flaying post) I find myself drawn to blog again.

Initially this blog was started when I was in a "return to work" phase after being off work for some time for breast cancer treatment. I was travelling each week from Leeds where I live to London where I worked (for an american investment bank.)

Suddenly being back in the capital where I'd previously lived for well over a decade brought with it plenty of memories. Sadly the sort of memories I was flooded with weren't the joyous ones, but largely ones of my marriage sinking like the titanic, and thoughts of my "wasband" ex. A whole moribund pustular nexus of unresolved trauma.

On top of that I felt physically and psychologically fragile from the cancer treatment. I'd been left with lymphedema in my right arm, and the compression garment I wore was painful and acted as a constant trigger of cancer related fears and memories.

Finally I was struggling with the demands of work, an employer who superficially provided support in the form of meetings with its medical advisers, yet demanded I do long anti-social hours, with the spectre of redundancies never far away.

It was a difficult period. Blogging was a form of self-counselling. Happily it really helped, and with the gentle passing of time I find myself in a much better place than I was back in 2010.

So, where am I now?

Dare I say it - I'm happy and content. Life has a gentle pace, with simple pleasures.

I live and work in Leeds. The job isn't hugely demanding, yet it has enough variety to tickle my interest, and the hours (4 evenings and a shift at the weekend) allow me plenty of time to do my own thing.

I have a border collie dog (Poppy). I don't want to gush, but she's lovely. She keeps me grounded, reminds me to laugh, and takes me to the park every day.

I live in a dilapidated house, which arguably is a little less dilapidated than when I took it on. I'm "doing it up" which is one of those projects that keeps on giving.

At present I have a lodger, so the house feels comfortably lived in. It started as a temporary stopover while he got organised with flat hunting, and perhaps one day he will actually get started with the flat hunting. Until then it is nice to have some company.

So blogging doesn't need to be a therapeutic exercise any more, just a whimsy when I want.