Wednesday 23 June 2010

Retreat

I walk along the cliff top path, a fresh breeze on my face, and the sun on my back. Gulls swoop overhead. The blue sea stretches to the horizon broken by shards of light, glittering reflections fragmented by waves shimmering with movement.

Life feels good, and I contemplate what lies beyond the horizon. What it might be like to cross the sea? What possible futures might unfold?

Then a rock moves beneath my foot, and turning an ankle I stumble, falling to my knees at the cliff edge. Putting my hands down to steady myself, I look in horror down the cliff face to the waves crashing over the ferocious rocks below.

The cliff top which had felt so solid as I ambled along crumbles beneath my fingertips, little clods of soil tumbling down to the foaming water below. I freeze in place, too terrified to move, lest I further disturb the ground and cause a catastrophic landslip.

My eyes are riveted to the cliff face noting every bone breaking protrusion. The sea alternately pummels then sucks hungrily at the rocks below.

No thought now of sailing serenely across the ocean, the only futures I see are those where I traverse the cliff face accelerated by gravity to my doom.

My stomach feels as though it has fallen already, leaving me hollow. My breath comes in shallow gulps, my heart is fluttery, and a low pitched groan reverberates in my chest before escaping.

Millimetre by millimetre I shuffle backwards, planning each miniscule movement carefully, lifting each limb with painstakingly gentle slowness, ready to stop at the slightest tremble of the earth beneath me.

My mind is frozen now, fixated on the process of retreat and nothing else.

A geological age passes and I return to awareness finding myself twenty feet back from the edge. Taking a long shuddering breath I start to shiver uncontrollably. Getting shakily to my feet I turn my back to the path and the sea. Keeping my head down and my eyes fixed on the ground I retreat inland, leaving hopes and dreams of the future for others to explore.

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