Quiesce my mind

I totally failed to 'keep it together' earlier. Very messy. Tears and snot. I'm disgusted with my inability to stay focussed and rational.

If I were still a child then mum would have sent me off to bed for being 'overtired.' I hated that back then. I always protested I wasn't sleepy at all. Now of course I realise what she meant. Being sleepy and being exhausted aren't the same at all.

Its true I'm not sleeping so well, and I'm exhausted by the demands on my body and mind while in London. Getting around and dealing with the crowds are so much more exhausting than I remembered. The heat is an added burden.

I'm sure I missed a monthly cycle. For weeks I've been feeling a bit choked and unbalanced. This is usually a PMT symptom that I'd only have for a day or two at the most. My body is clearly making up with a vengeance for the lost cycle.

How much of my imbalance is hormones, versus depression, versus exhaustion? I just can't tell. Meanwhile I'm falling apart at the seams and I just can't quiesce my mind.

So many thoughts sloshing around that they're spilling out in a polluting wave whenever I open my mouth, dumping inappropriately on people around me.

I have to get control.

I have to keep calm.

I have to carry on.

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